The Kremlin Final Exam
Are you fit to be Party Chief? Or will you spend your years toiling in Siberia? Take this Kremlin test and find out.
1. Kremlin is the Fun Game of ________________,____________________,and __________________.
2. In a trial, a victim is considered __________________ until proven __________________. Additionally, how many innocent votes are necessary for an acquittal?
3. Which Politburo member is the first to be purged?
4. Who is the healthiest politician?
5. Natasha Nogoodnik is:
a) a slut.
b) Mike's ten.
c) 55 year's old.
d) pretty damn ugly.
e) all of the above.
6. In the event of a tie in Influence Points, control of the politician is determined by:
a) whoever puts the piece down first.
b) paper, rock, scissors.
c) Mike's mother.
d) two falls or a submission.
7. The best way to become Party Chief is to:
a) put all of your points on the Defense Minister, The Foreign Minister, and the KGB Head.
b) survive as Sports Minister for more than one year.
c) purge your own politicians.
d) sleep with Natasha Nogoodnik.
8. Who is the youngest politician?
9. The best way to die is to:
a) be older than dirt.
b) be the Sports Minister.
c) go to the sanatorium.
d) to sleep with Natasha Nogoodnik.
10. Which politician has the stupidiest name?
a) Alexej Goferbrok
b) Nikolai Shootemdedsky
c) Eduard Boremtodev
d) Sergei Eatstumuch
e) Antonj Talksalot
11. A sure indication that a politician has gone capitalist is:
a) he drives a Ford.
b) he has been seen eating at Taco Bell.
c) he owns a Gooey Louie.
d) he is collecting Grand Union receipts for a free ham.
12. At what age must a politician retire?
13. Nestor Aparatschik:
a) is the first Party Chief.
b) begins the game sick.
c) is one old bastard.
d) looks like he's been hit by a truck.
14. The appropriate comment to make while rolling in the Health Phase is:
a) "May you live long and prosper."
b) "You're Gonna DIE Bitch!"
c) "Please God, take his life. Make him die."
d) "DIE you old bastard! DIE DIE DIE!!!!"
15. Who are the only two female politicians?
16. Mike Wolyniak looks most like:
a) Petr Niewitko
b) Boris Karrienko
c) Eduard Boremtodev
d) Aloof Bighead
17. If the KGB Head is unable to purge, the power falls to what Politburo member?
18. Which Faction is most likely to purge its own members?
19. You know something is wrong when:
a) The Ideology Chief is a Capitalist pig.
b) The Defense Minister is under investigation.
c) The Sports Minister becomes Party Chief.
d) Chuck takes a shower.
20. In the WRCU version of Kremlin, the first show to be purged would be:
a) The Chuck E. Soul Show.
b) Feminine Emphasis.
c) Masculine Emphasis, a.k.a. "Fuck You Bitch!"
d) The Chris and Mike Program.
21. The game of Kremlin is:
a) fun.
b) a good way to lose friends.
c) Jay's life.
d) a lot like Monopoly.
Answers
1. Intrigue, Double-Dealing, and Backstabbing
2. Guilty, Innocent
3. Party Chief (although answers may vary)
4. Lech Schukrutoff (this guy was old as dirt and never seemed to die)
5. e
6. a (although d is a close second)
7. a or b
8. Viktor Wasolin
9. b or c
10. your choice
11. c
12. 96
13. a,b,c,d
14. all but a
15. Natasha Nogoodnik and Ludmilla Patina
16. d
17. Ideology Chief
18. I'm not sure about this one, but someone did purge their own candidate once (was it Chuck?)
19. your choice
20. your choice (although I would wager d)
21. d
Rankings
Party Chief - 21-17 correct
Excellent work comrade! You should be party chief now. Other members of the Politburo bow to your wisdom. Wave away!
KGB head - 16-11 correct
Nicely done comrade! You are not the idiot we thought you were. You have good powers of perception and will no doubt be the next party chief. Let's start purging. I think that Sports Minister looks a little shifty...
Candidate - 10-6 correct
You still have some work to do comrade! You are going to need to study a little bit harder before you expect to make it in the Politburo.
Sports Minister - 5-0 correct
Welcome comrade! You will fit in perfectly as our new Sports Minister. I hope you find your office nice and cozy. Just don't get too comfortable.
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